American Libraries

OK, here's a stab at some answers, in order of how they were asked:

-No.
-XXXXL.
-One. Two. Three.
-To the left, behind the copier.
-I'd rather not.
-Four.
-It's a trick question: You should never brush a monkey's teeth.
-Genetics!
-One-hundred-and-thirty-nine.
-Knowledge of weaving + lots of human hair + LOTS of spare time.
-The bear, no question. Having the bubonic plague actually works in its favor.
-Insect dating habits? See comments below.
-I'll take no less than $5.50.
-No.
-My mind is too blown to answer this one.
-You don't.
-No, thank goodness.
-Vampires. Next question?
-I give up.

Any librarians out there think they can do better? Let's hear your answers.